Hindi na importante kung sino siya. At hindi ako mag deact. Abandon lang. Patay ako kay Msshearty pag nag deact ako. K’bye ikaw ang last kong Anon. Mwa.
Sa DOTA ang ibig sabihin ng GG or Good Game ay yung pag patapos na ang laban at maganda yung laro na nangyari, katulad ko. GG na ko dito sa tumblr, GG na ko dito sa yourgoddamnbitch, GG na ako sa pagiging si Kristine. Wala na eh, patapos na, at nagustuhan ko naman talaga dito, maganda yung naging takbo ng buhay ko dito. And this is my last words. Alam ko namang walang papansin nito, pero alam kong yung mga kaibigan ko na nag aalala ngayon sakin ay tyak na babasahin ‘to. Patay kayo sakin pag hindi niyo ‘to binasa.
Una sa lahat. Salamat kung binabasa mo ‘to ngayon, nakaka flatter naman ng chest.
Pangalawa. Salamat kasi finollow mo ako kahit alam kong kaya mo lang ako finollow kasi wala kang ma’follow.
Pangatlo. Sa lahat ng nasungitan ko dito. Sorry. Ganon lang talaga ko.
Pangapat. Sa lahat ng nakausap ko dito, hello sainyo. TA niyo nalang ako para mabigay ko sainyo number ko para may communication padin MWAHAHAHAHHA.
Panglima. Sorry sa mga kaibigan ko dito. Wala eh, aalis na ako. This time, wala ng balikan ‘to. Sorry kung di ako nag k’kwento. Sorry talaga. Pero friends naman tayo sa FB, kaya kahit papaano may communication padin tayo.
Panganim. Sorry kung tatakbo nanaman ako sa problema. Sorry kung may tao na ginulo ko yung buhay. Sorry kung nasira ko yung buhay mo. Sorry kung bumalik ka ulit sa dati. Sorry kung pinaranas ko sayo ang kagandahan ng buhay, tapos magiging ganito lang pala. Sorry ha? Sabi naman kasi sayo, wag ako. Iba ako. Sorry. Pero alam kong walang magagawa ang sorry eh, kaya ewan. Wala akong maisip na masabi. Kung ikaw, nasasabi mo na hindi ako yung nag pasaya sayo ng sobra? Pwes sakin, ikaw yung nag pasaya sakin ng sobra. Wala silang sinabi, lahat sila. Sabi sayo ikaw yung tama sa buhay ko, pero wala eh. Siguro parehas lang tayong na’ewan sa mga desisyon natin. Sorry. Hindi ako deserving para sayo, ikaw nadin nag sabi diba? Baka talaga di mo ako deserve, kasi may ibang babae na deserving maging sayo. Pero etong tatandaan mo. Totoo yung sinabi kong mahal kita, pero may mga bagay lang talaga na hindi ko na masasabi sayo, kasi… Basta, di ko nga sasabihin diba? Tsaka totoo yung sinabi ko kanina, na hindi padin kita iiwan, nandito padin ako. Lumapit ka lang. Nandito lang ako.
Pangpito. May isang tao na pinag sabihan kong hindi ko i’dedeact ‘to. Hindi ko na siya nakakausap. Pero sorry kung hindi ko na matutupad. Sorry. Hmm, pero alam mo? Swerte ka. Sobra. Kung alam mo lang.
Pangwalo. Hershey, Lhee, Bessy, Ulan. Kayong apat. Mahal na mahal ko kayo. Omaygad hahahahahhaa. Labyu sana mag kita padin tayo kahit hindi na ako “tumblrista”. Basta, yung meet up. Set niyo lang. Libre ko kayong kiss. hahahahahahaha! Hindi ko na kayo i’tag dito. Bahala na kung makita niyo oh hindi. Bahala na.
Pangsiyam. Siguro hindi lang talaga si Alaska Young ang greatest perhaps ni Miles Halter kundi si Hazel Grace Lancaster.
Pangsampu. Kung nabasa mo ‘to hanggang dito. Maraming salamat. Salamat talaga. Mahal kita kahit hindi kita kilala. Mahal kita kasi pinag tuunan mo ng pansin ‘to. Mahal kita kasi binasa mo ‘to kasi in that way? Napakita mo na may pakielam ka sakin. Salamat :)
CHRISTINE MAY TOLENTINO - Signing Off.
Nakakatangina talaga mga tao ngayon.
Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
The first one is to kiss it.
I hurt a bunch of people in my past.
I hurt them because of my wrong doings and decisions.
And that’s why I am afraid to choose between the two people who wants to enter my life.
It’s because I am afraid to hurt them because of my decision.
It’s because I am afraid to get hurt because I know that I hurt them.
I am afraid that the past will once again come back to life.
I am afraid to get depressed again, I mean, I want to be happy because I deserve to be one, right?
I am just afraid of what may going to happen.
I’m a coward now because the past still hunts the shit out of me.
Why do all people wants to be happy?
Why they are craving for happiness?
And why they can’t grab it in just a sec?
In my 18 years in this world, all I know is that, you need to experience pain or you need to get hurt so you can know and feel the real essence of happiness.
But, what is the real happiness?
I mean, what does it feel like?
And how will you know if its real or not?
If its beyond or not exact?
If it will going to last forever or not?
And why do people hate it when they can feel the sadness after?
I mean, that’s how it worked, right?
Like, your emotions were flying up high but then again it will drop to the ground so easily.
Nothing is permanent, even happiness.
It doesn’t last a lifetime.
But, can we just not crave for happiness?
Because its too mainstream and we all know that we can’t be happy all the time.
So why don’t we crave for sadness instead?
Maybe in that way, we can be happy all the time.
Just like how we crave for happiness and how sadness over rule it.
What does it feel like to be happy?
I am sad because no one’s there for me, I am not belong to anything, I don’t have someone to lean on when I need one, I am not easy nor fun to be with, I’m a shit, I am not loved, I am alone. But, come to think of it, I have wonderful friends, but I can’t open up my problems to them, there are people who wanted to enter my life because I am belong, there are people who appreciates what I do. I am loved but I am scared to be loved. I have the people that I need but I pushed them away because I am scared. See? My life is miserable because I am fcking scared. So don’t be like me, alright? Don’t be a coward like me. You are loved. You are wonderful. Don’t ever forget that.
You were happy with me right? But I didn’t know that you’re not extremely happy with me. I am sorry if I thought that I am enough, I am sorry if I thought that I am the one who could make you really really really happy. But, I guess I’m not. Those hugs and kisses, those pinches and knocks, the moments in the coffee shop and the small talks in the fast food chains we’re in, all of it, it makes me happy because I am with you, but I guess it isn’t what you wanted. Maybe you wanted it but—not from me. I want you to be happy. I gave you all, but I just couldn’t accept the fact that you were not that happy, that you don’t reach that real happy stage. But its not too late to make you happy, right? Its not too late to give what you wanted. Even if I am not the one you needed.
You were happy with me right? But I didn’t know that you’re not extremely happy with me. I am sorry if I thought that I am enough, I am sorry if I thought that I am the one who could make you really really really happy. But, I guess I’m not.
Those hugs and kisses, those pinches and knocks, the moments in the coffee shop and the small talks in the fast food chains we’re in, all of it, it makes me happy because I am with you, but I guess it isn’t what you wanted. Maybe you wanted it but—not from me.
I want you to be happy. I gave you all, but I just couldn’t accept the fact that you were not that happy, that you don’t reach that real happy stage. But its not too late to make you happy, right? Its not too late to give what you wanted. Even if I am not the one you needed.
The power of words.
Your words struck like a lightning
that makes me feel alive and free.
Your words are like flowers that
gives me the urge to fly to the tree.
Your words are just so good that
it makes me fall to the empty bliss.
But, your words makes me weak
that’s why I am falling out of the tree.
Oh yes, you save her from being crushed by the rails of the train but did you save her from herself too? Yes you save her life, but did you save her from the pain she’s been hiding all this time? Maybe, she want to end her life because she’s just too tired, too tired of being alone, being worthless and from being sad. Don’t get me wrong, what you did was good, but what will happen after you save her? What will you do after? Would you leave her just like everyone else did or you’ll going to save her too from the dark jungle inside her?
Okay. I’ll speak in behalf. Hindi ako nagpaalam kay Kristine na binuksan ko tong Tumblr niya. But yeah, siguro wala namang may pakialam pero dahil wala na akong Tumblr, yeah, derp.
I. It’s my fault. Wag kayong maniwala sa kanya kapag sinabi niyang siya may kasalanan. Ako lahat to.
II. Di ko siya masisisi sa nararamdaman niya, puso niya yun eh. Pero shet na malagkit, masakit.
III. Natulog at gumising ako para sa kanya, ngayon. Dahil gusto kong makita niyang kaya ko.
IV. Yung sa mga nag-aanon, ako na lang tirahin niyo guys. Okay lang. Ako yung lalaki eh, ako na lang. Masyado siyang stressed sa mga nangyayari sa kanya. Wala kayong idea. Pero kung sasabihin niyo lang na ganito at ganyan, sana ako na lang tirahin niyo.
V. Sorry sa mga kaibigan niya rito na nasabihan ko na aalagaan ko siya, di ko nagawa. Yeah, sorry. I always mess up stuff.
VI. Doon sa past ko na sinasabi ng anon, di ko sasabihin na wala kang alam sa nararamdaman ko. Pero I chose Kristine over the hell of my past. So please, wag mong isasali yun? Naiirita ako.
VII. If ever na may bagong lalaki man na magpapasaya sa kanya, just tell him to take good care of her. I’m not the one, I think.
VIII. Kung may nakakakilala man rito sa akin, yeah, whatever. No one cares anyway, may maisali lang.
Gusto ko lang ipaalam sa inyo na kahit hindi siya yung pinakanagpasaya sa akin, the last 2-3 months of my life were simply the best ones. Maniwala kayo o hindi, mahal na mahal ko itong babaeng to. I’m not mentioning what or how much I did, but it’s just that I don’t want them to go to waste. Pero kung ito yung kahahantungan, well, okay. I don’t know how could I proceed with a situation like this, but yeah. Bahala na siguro. So, bye. Enjoy life, guys. Bantayan ko na lang kayo kapag nagkataon.